Updated: Jul 14, 2019
This is a very difficult subject to talk about but one that I feel is necessary. This is the place where I must emphasis that these are my thoughts and I am open to hear the opinions of others. Many relationships in today’s society endure one or both people having affairs. Although there is not one clear cut reason why people have affairs, I can provide some insight from a male point of view with hopes of helping both men and women deal with a breach in a relationship.
Ladies, the reason a man cheats is never because of “the other woman”. Many times, women who have been cheated on often look at the other woman. Many women want to know what she looks like, what she has or what she did differently than her. I can tell you as a man, that the other woman is really irrelevant in the affair. Meaning, it was NOT something specific about this woman that lead your man to cheat. Before men make up their mind to have an affair, we often have a mental tug of war within our own mind. We look for “reasons” to feel as though we should be given the right to step out on our wife or girlfriend. In many cases, we take small issues and use them as a reason for infidelity. The most common “excuse” given by men who had affairs was that they felt “taken for granted”. When a man feels as though he is being “taken for granted”, it usually means that there is a breakdown in the relationship. More than likely, the couple is not communicating as they should, not being intimate and not working as a team for common goals. Ladies, if you hear you man begin to say he feels as though he is “being taken for granted”, then you need to be on alert. This is not to say that he will have an affair, it just means that, mentally, his will power is low and he is more susceptible to a potential affair. Most men don’t go looking for the other woman. Most affairs start as an emotional one because the man has already made up incorrectly in his mind that his wife has bailed on him. This is the reason why the “other woman” may not look like the man’s type or may be somebody you never thought your man would be attracted too. The“other woman” is trying to impress him by listening to the man complain and she offers exactly the opposite of what she is being told. She says and does whatever she needs to say and do in order to somehow get the man to sooner or later leave his partner. The stroking of the man’s ego further provides reason within his own warped mind that the affair is something he is entitled to experience. Usually, it’s an experience that causes pain and leaves the man wishing he never went there in the first place. It’s not worth hurting or possibly losing your life partner.
Ladies, do not compare yourself to the other woman. She is not the reason why your man cheated. It was not her face, her body or her conversation. Believe me. The affair first started with your man. He made it up in his mind way before he met the other woman that he was entitled to the affair. The woman was not yet identified but it was a matter of time before one came into the picture that would believe the lies he may have told her in order to get what he wanted. Many women have fallen into this same trap – or dare I say “many women have jumped into the trap willingly.” I say this because a married man lets you know he’s married for a few reasons. Two of them being – 1. He wants you to keep your mouth shut and he knows that certain women are desperate enough to be with him anyway. And 2. He can tell her what she wants to hear just long enough to see her a few times & then disappear. The sad part is that many women know deep inside that these men won’t really leave their partners/spouses.
Ladies, do not be afraid to reconcile after an affair. If you feel as though that you love him enough to try and make it work, then do it. If that man loves you the way he says he does, he will make the sacrifices necessary to earn back your love and trust. This man, who erroneously used the excuse that you bailed on him to have an affair, will see your unconditional love as a springboard into an even stronger relationship.