So did that title get your attention? Lol...There are only a handful of people who know me really well. The rest just assume, speculate and judge. Most people are actually afraid of being judged, afraid of being alone or without friends, afraid of being disliked or unpopular and therefore they live their lives that way. Because they’re faithless. Most people lack faith and as a result, they are afraid to make an unpopular or controversial decision for fear that all the "NORMAL" people will come for them; which would lead right back to those fears of being an outcast on Facebook, social media, in their family or in their community. Just because you think you know Jesus doesn't mean you have faith in him. I'm not trying to take this blog to church here but I REALLY know what faith is. Do you? I'm no longer afraid of any of the things I've mentioned in this paragraph. I use to be though...I have opinions these days and my blogs are my platform for that. There is no more room left in my life for people who can't deal with my REALNESS because I finally realized that it's THEIR problem and not mine.
OH YEAH...ABOUT THE WEED
Like for example, some parents allow their kids to smoke weed in their house. I don't. If I say to you, my 17-year-old child, "Don't smoke weed and especially not in my house, and then you ask, "WHY?" Well I'll say, “because first of all dammit it's my house and my rules....and second I operate a business from my home and weed is not good for business, for another thing my husband, your dad, works for the Government and he could catch a contact and lose his job during a random drug test and if that happens we won't be able to provide all the luxuries you currently enjoy, yet take for granted; and then another reason is because it makes you lazy, sleepy and therefore irresponsible causing you to make stupid decisions, do stupid things, not do your chores, be late for work or school or not even show up at all....Weed can also cause you to have an accident if you're driving while high and not to mention that sh*t STANKS!....smells like skunk these days.... and it's very hard to get rid of that smell; And how about it's illegal in our state? And even if it were legal you are still too young to benefit.” See I don't really have a problem with WEED. I smoked it before...many, many moons ago, maybe more recently...I can’t remember...but most of you reading this have too! So hush your face! lol...but this isn't about that. Ultimately if my child smokes weed in my house or if they smoke it on my property (my yard), they are sucking their parents into a violation of the law AND they are disrespecting our rules and wishes as their parents. Now my reasons for such rules sound very reasonable, right? Out of the 75% of parents I know who agree that these are understandable reasons to not allow weed smoking, it is my experience that about 80% of those same parents don't even carry out consequences for the foolish and unacceptable actions of their kids. I'm among the 20% that does. Why? Refer back to the first paragraph. That's why. I do what I know in my heart is right and in the best interest of my kids. I have developed the ability to not just think about today but to also think about how today's actions will contribute to our future. Having faith in my parenting decisions takes patience. We may not see the benefits until years later. If you believe that it’s in their best interest to follow through with the consequences you promised, that’s called keeping the faith. They will learn to respect you If you do it right.
DO YOUR KIDS HATE YOU?
Parents are the first teachers a child will have. Our job doesn't stop just because they became teens and young adults. We have a big responsibility to fulfill. Buying things for our kids, taking them places, giving them age-appropriate freedom, taking them on vacations, showing pride in their efforts, celebrating their success, etc; that's the easy part of raising kids. When they smile, we smile, right? When they’re happy we’re happy. The hard part tho, the part I'm willing to do while 80% of you faithless scaredy cats are not, is when I must follow through on consequences that I had previously warned my testy children about. I risk being told, "I hate you". I'm a positive risk taker. Most people with faith are. Man, my kids have told me they hate me, I've gotten hate mail on my text, they've gone on social media and told the public how horrible of a mother I am and much more. If you've experienced this you are NOT alone. Your kids can be worse than your enemies at times so hang in there with me.
DO FAMILY AND FRIENDS FROWN UPON YOUR PARENTING METHODS?
I got other people in my life or people I know...even family, who don't fully know my situation that led to the consequence they "heard" about and of course they talk smack...These are the same people you hear talking about "man I had to whip my daughter's ass"...talking about what they're going to do if their kid does such and such again...I'll tell you what you're gonna do...Not a DAMN thing cause you can't handle the backlash. Takes a strong mama and papa with love & strong FAITH to do that. If you think you know me well and you love me then you also know I'm a good parent. You know I love my kids more than anything. You know I have good intentions and that I don't abuse my kids or no mess like that. If you know me and trust me then you should have faith in me, support me and know that there is a method to my madness. I know what I'm doing over here. You just handle your own mess lol...
So what kind of things did I do to deserve such hatefulness from my kids you ask? Depending on age and circumstance:
I've kicked them out (sent them to their father's house).
I've locked them out (for curfew violations).
I've taken away their ability to drive my car.
I've stopped paying for their college tuition.
I've locked them out of their room with an eviction notice.
I've called the police on them (for vandalism of our property among other things).
I've taken away their cell phone privileges (for poor grades).
I've made them attend a drug prevention class with their dad and I.
And more. Yes way more. You judging me?
Now for some of these consequences, I won't mention what they did but it was really, really BAD...bad ass kids! Man, my kids were like "how am I suppose to get to work if you take my car?... I can't get to work if you make me move in with daddy, I can't afford to go to college if you stop paying, I can't achieve my goals in life because YOU are ruining my future with this petty punishment!... How do you sleep at night? What kind of mother are you? Everybody hates you. That's why none of your kids even like you! Daddy was right...you ARE crazy!"....blah blah blah....And I reply "Not my problem. I AM your consequence. Don't start none and won't be none. You were warned. You thought I was bluffing, didn't you? You did this to yourself. I didn't tell you to do it. You will learn today"...And I reply without regret too. (Sometimes with a smile) Yeah, you faithless suckers out there would give in to all that mess, wouldn't you? Not me. Why? I told you I'm in it to WIN it!
DO YOU LIKE YOUR KIDS?
Oh yes. After several fair warnings, I MUST follow through, hurting myself in the process. For example I had to go to that damn drug prevention class too. They made parents attend in one room while the kids were in a different group. I had to make time for that mess! But I did it because I love my children, often I don't like them tho. Yes...I said OFTEN I DON'T LIKE MY KIDS...what?? It’s true but I have FAITH that in the end my misunderstood actions will result in their success and they will someday understand that consequences are a part of learning. At least my consequences are not permanent like say...JAIL would be! Lol...Only that small 20% of parents I talked about earlier will understand this. The worse thing a parent can do is make a threat they can't carry out. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it. You know damn well they’re gonna try you again. Our kids are smarter than we give credit for. They know you won't call the cops. They know you won't kick um out. My kids know that I will. They are realizing now that I'm immune to HATE MAIL so it doesn't phase me anymore. Yes, it hurts my feelings but not enough to lose faith. My faith is strong. My lessons are also the future lessons of my grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Hopefully, I’ll live long enough to see such greatness. Someday my kids will have kids and they'll teach them right from wrong and I will smile because I'll know God delivered the promise. I'm willing to wait for it.
The cool and encouraging thing about all this is when my kids are in their RIGHT MIND (from time to time they have their precious moments lol) they tell me "Mom, I'm sorry. I was wrong. I deserved that. I love you. I was just having a bad day. I'm thankful that you were tough with me. You are a great mom"...Even though I'm wise enough to know that I'm not out of the woods yet and that as soon as tonight I'll probably do something to cause hate mail again, I still appreciate the spontaneous encouragement I get from my kids. Then with each year, they present a new sign of maturity I'll know I've done the right thing. Often we must wait for years to hear this from our children or to see the fruits of our labor or maybe never if we don't live long enough but that's what having faith is all about. In due time. In God's time.
BUT HERE'S THE TWIST
Are my kids really BAD as hell? No. This is going to be the most confusing part of this blog. I actually have really, REALLY good kids Lol. Seriously I do! They were raised right. They are ALL lovable, thoughtful, generous, nurturing, God-fearing kids and they actually take good care of me and their step-dad these days. This blog was written several years ago but I never published it until now. Their poor behavior usually stemmed from another source. It had everything do with the power struggle of co-parenting. You know what I mean? When one parent enforces the rules and teaches them about love and respect and then they go visit the other parent, the more popular parent, who allows them the freedom to whatever the hell they want. Even things that are not age appropriate. Well that's what I was dealing with. It was a terrible phase. Just awful.
More on that in my upcoming blog series, which I have faith will end up in a Lifetime movie someday. It's called, "His Dance With Demons." Everything will come full circle when you read it. You'll understand how after putting up with so much, I still have the best kids a mother could ever ask for and am blessed with such a good life. Please pray for me tho. #PrayerWorks. -sb